The story of my vocation truly began when I was twelve years old. My family laid the foundations for it: my mother, from a devout Catholic family near Heidelberg (Germany), studied theology. Although she never used this professional training in her career, it strongly influenced our religious education. My father, who owned an auto body workshop, experienced a conversion after a trip to Medjugorje.

We, six children, grew up in a religious environment and, except for one of us, participated in activities of the Catholic Scout Association of Europe (KPE). In 2005, I became more closely acquainted with the Legionaries of Christ, which changed my life. Through summer camps and group meetings, I experienced Jesus as a friend and found joy in the Mass, prayer, etc. These experiences helped me to discover my vocation.

Visits to the Apostolic School in France reinforced my desire to become a priest. In 2008, I decided to enter the Apostolic School in Germany, where I remained until my Abitur (high school diploma). Despite some pedagogical challenges, this time was very formative. After the Abitur, I entered the novitiate of the Legion of Christ and made my temporary vows in 2014. My years of formation took me to Mexico, Rome, and Chile, where I gained valuable experiences and received support from many people, for which I am very grateful.

After this brief, rather biographical description, I now want to address the topics that have concerned me most during these years of formation. First, a rather low self-esteem in my youth. Combined with a certain shyness, these were, of course, not ideal initial conditions for acting as an apostle and future priest. Additionally, it took me a while to learn that one must face new and frightening challenges with courage in order to learn from them. And this is not always despite, but even through one’s failures. At the same time, unconsciously, I had formed an image of the perfect Legionary of Christ, who excites the masses, launches big projects, and is loved by everyone, and so I am not at all. Therefore, I believe it is understandable that sometimes life as a Legionary of Christ seemed impossible to me, and I wondered more than once if I should take another path. But not only that: there were moments of great doubt about myself and a certain despair.

But God knew how to help me in those situations. Above all, He kept reminding me why I had started this journey: because I heard His call and was determined to follow it and thus serve people. My awareness of my vocation was still very vague when I was young, but over time I understood better God’s work in me and it became clear: He does not want me to follow this path only because it is God’s will and I must fulfill it. Instead, it is a call I can follow in complete freedom, and taking another path would not be a reason for Him to love me less or stop accompanying me. Thus, the moments of renewal of my vows and, above all, the moment of my perpetual profession became instances of conscious and free decision to follow Jesus’ call. Part of this maturation process was discovering that my depressive and questioning thoughts definitely did not come from Him, but rather from the other side. In this, my superiors and spiritual directors, as well as the application of Saint Ignatius’ spiritual discernment principles, especially helped me.

Regarding the (hopefully many) years of priestly service ahead of me, I am aware that, humanly speaking, I do not have much to offer. But at the same time, I know that this is not a reason to worry or to let unrealistic expectations steal my peace. For God created me out of His infinite love. He is there for me as the most loving Father for His child. He even forgives my worst sins and helps me every day to become more like Him. He has called me to a mission and has a plan that far exceeds my imagination. He is faithful and is by my side. In His name, I cast the nets, trusting that He will gather the fish in them. I give Him my five loaves and two fish, and He performs the miracle of feeding the multitude. Moreover, in the sacrament of Holy Orders, it is He who acts; I am only His instrument. So I try to see the people I meet as Jesus does, with love and compassion. I want to serve them as a priest and, if possible, help them experience how valuable they are in His eyes. An inspiration for this vision of my life I find especially in Saint Bernadette Soubirous, particularly in her time as a religious.

It is true that my actions are not always imbued with these certainties. However, even in moments of greatest difficulty and doubt, I can trust that He, despite or precisely in my weakness and insufficiency, performs the miracles only He can perform. To Him be the glory forever and ever!